I never apologize.
I'm sorry, but that's just the way I am.
- Homer J. Simpson
"Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect."
- Benny Hill
"I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof."
- Rodney Dangerfield
"USA Today has come out with a new survey: Apparently three out of four people make up 75 percent of the population."
- David Letterman
"All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand."
"Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning."
- Rich Cook
"42.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot"
"The most dangerous position in which to sleep is with your feet on your office desk."
"All my life, I always wanted to be somebody. Now I see that I should have been more specific."
- Jane Wagner.
"You're not drunk if you can lie on the floor without holding on."
- Dean Martin
"Constipated People Don't Give A crap."
Calvin: "People think it must be fun to be a super genius, but they don't realize how hard it is to put up with all the idiots in the world,"
Hobbes: "Isn't your pants' zipper supposed to be in the front?"
- Calvin and Hobbes
"It is not MY fault that I never learned to accept responsibility!"
"I never think of the future - it comes soon enough."
- Albert Einstein
"My formula for success is rise early, work late, and strike oil."
- Paul Getty.
"Men marry women with the hope they will never change. Women marry men with the hope they will change. Invaribly they are both disappointed."
- Albert Einstein
"Every morning, I get up and look through the 'Forbes' list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work."
- Robert Orben
"Never stand between a dog and the hydrant."
- John Peers.
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