Global Warming........in your wallets

For several years now, the news cycle has been bombarding us with 2 little words that have become double platinum. The words are oozing with money. They inspire altruism and make some people think that with their concern of it, they have become a better person. No, not operation freedom but Global Warming!

We are constantly shown graphs of how anything from us brushing our teeth to drinking beer causes temperatures to rise. It seems odd that everything is correlated to us causing the Global temperature rise.

We are reminded every day how the Earth would have been so much better off if it wasn't for us. You are shown these pictures of cuddly little birds or some cute animals to the point of acute interest. Then the statement comes that this animal is on the brink of extinction because of man made global warming(and you need to buy a Toyota Prius to save us). We are forced through guilt to buy things that are more expensive but "green".

Lets examine the new Chevy Volt. It is being touted as the car of the future that will put us on the right path to reversing "our damage" to the environment. However, the car runs on electricity using the grid and also requires regular unleaded gas for when the battery runs out(which is after about 70 miles). Well what do you think is used to make electricty, fuel perhaps? To charge this car every night will cost you and fuel for this car will cost you. Also, the price tag for it is around $40k! A honda accord or toyota camry that cost around $20k which get approximately 30mpg will cost you less per mile in the short and long run. The car is "Green" in the fact that it will cost you major denero$$.

Notice how every month is compared to the warmest on record no matter how far off it is. How every single hurricane or rainstorm causes news stations to ask if this could be caused by global warming. Also while presenting it they make it appear like it such a grand and perplexing possibility like they just discovered they have ears on both sides of their head. This doesn't stop when we get to winter time because apparently snow storms are caused by global warming too.

For god's sake, stop it. We only have temperature records dating back a hundred years or so, the rest is still in theory. Weather forecasters can't even predict with decent accuracy what the weather is going to be a week from now, not even mentioning what it will be in 10 or 20 years. If there is one thing we know for sure about the weather, it is that it is variable.

There are many different factors that affect our climate which we have not accounted for yet. For the same reason we cannot predict the weather very well a week from now, we cannot survey correctly our entire climactic system because we do not know of all the variables involved. Our climate goes through cycles not based on our daily commutes but based on ocean circulation and sun output to simplify.

The majority of our planet is covered by ocean and this is the major factor causing climate change. The pacific ocean(happens to be our biggest) goes through a warm or cold cycle, when it changes, we are going to feel it. The past 20 years or so it has been in a warm cycle, the next 10 to 20 years it is going into a cold cycle. We will probably even experience a global cooling in the coming years not because Al Gore's movie reduced co2 output by us human folk but because of our natural climactic cycle.

The global warming swindle is like the following example. The ocean gets warmer and you just happened to take a piss earlier that week. Then your friend observes the water temperature rise and also knows that earlier that week you took a whiz in the ocean. Then, your friend instead of contemplating other factors takes this coincidence and correlates your pissing in the ocean to the ocean getting warmer. Oh and then makes a graph illustrating it while suggesting you piss in the lake to make it better while buying stuff that will help your aim.

TGIF Jokes

Job Interview 'Killer Question'

You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus:

1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die.
2. An old friend who once saved your life.
3. The perfect man (or) woman you have been dreaming about. Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car. Think before you continue reading.

This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application.

You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream lover again. The candidate who was hired (out of 200 applicants) had no trouble coming up with his answer.

What did he say?
He simply answered: "I would give the car keys to my old friend, and let him take the lady to the hospital. I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the woman of my dreams!"
Sometimes, we gain more if we are able to give up our stubborn thought limitations.
Never forget to "Think Outside of the Box."

TGIF

There was a young lady who was totally exhausted from a week's worth of work. Finally, it was time for her to end her work day and go home.

As she entered the elevator, she sighed a triumphant, "T-G-I-F...," and began to relish the thought of going home and relaxing the weekend away.

It so happened that there was a man on the elevator with her and heard her jubilant exclamation.

His reply to her was, "S-H-I-T."

Now the woman was not sure if she heard the man correctly and she was determined not to let this man ruin her beautiful weekend she had ahead of her, so again she stated more strongly, "T-G-I-F!" and glared at the man, daring him to repeat his obscenity.

The man made eye contact and stated matter-of-factly, "S-H-I-T."

This infuriated the young woman, so with hands on her hips she stated, "How dare you use profane language like that in front of a lady! I was saying, T-G-I-F...'Thank Goodness it's Friday'. What is wrong with you!?"

The man was amused at her outrage and with a smirk on his face replied,

"S-H-I-T. 'Sorry, Honey... it's THURSDAY!"

And with that walked off the elevator with a spunky step.


The best 'dear john' letter ever

A Marine stationed in Afghanistan recently received a "Dear John" letter from his girlfriend back home. It read as follows:

Dear Ricky,

I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great. I must admit that I have cheated on you twice, since you've been gone, and it's not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent to you.

Love, Becky


The Marine, with hurt feelings, asked his fellow Marines for any snapshots they could spare of their girlfriends, sisters, ex-girlfriends, aunts, cousins etc. In addition to the picture of Becky, Ricky included all the other pictures of the pretty girls he had collected from his buddies.

There were 57 photos in that envelope....along with this note:


Dear Becky,

I'm so sorry, but I can't quite remember who you are. Please take your picture from the pile, and send the rest back to me.

Take Care, Ricky


Top 5 Snappy Answers

Snappy Answer #1
A stewardess was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets. As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket, and he opened his coat and flashed her. Without missing a beat she said, "Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

Snappy Answer #2
A lady was picking through the frozen chickens at the supermarket, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked the shelf stacker, "Do these chickens get any bigger?" He replied, "No, they're dead."

Snappy Answer #3
The policeman got out of his car and the lad who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. "I've been waiting for you all day," the policeman said. The lad replied, "Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could." When the policeman finally stopped laughing, he sent the lad on his way without a ticket.

Snappy Answer #4
A lorry driver was driving along. A sign comes up that reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The policeman gets out of his car and walks around to the lorry driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck?" The lorry driver says, "No mate, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."

and finally...
#5, THE TEACHER Snappy Answer OF THE YEAR
A university lecturer reminds her students of tomorrow's final exam. "Now, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!" A smart-@rse bloke in the back of the room raised his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter s3xual exhaustion?" The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter. When silence is restored, the lecturer smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says, "Well, I suppose you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."